How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows

My husband and I wrote our own wedding vows. It was nerve wracking and very emotional, but I’m SO glad we did it. Hearing the vows he wrote to me from his heart meant so much more than hearing him recite traditional wedding vows. On top of that, our families said it was so intimate and personal for them to hear our own promises to each other.

That said, it wasn’t all that easy to write our own wedding vows! I remember sitting with a pen and an empty vow book I wondered how the heck to start, what to say, and how I was supposed to sum up everything I feel for him in words.

If you’re feeling the same way, wanting to write your own wedding vows but unsure where to begin, this is for you. I’ll share with you wedding vow ideas and examples to help you write your own vows that are personal and meaningful for you.

Layout for Wedding Vows

It helps to look at it from the big picture. Vows are typically laid out starting with affections, and ending with promises. A sample wedding vow layout would be:

• Section #1: Share about how you met, fell in love, what your first impressions were
• Section #2: Share the things you love about your partner; traits, habits, behaviors, qualities
• Section #3: Share what this wedding day means to you, why you are choosing them
• Section #4: Finally, share your promises for a life together (these are sentences starting with.. “I vow to…” or “I promise to…” etc.)

Keep this structure in mind as you write your vows. In each of these sections, there should be roughly 3-8 sentences, or 1-2 paragraphs per section.

Wedding Vows Language

The whole point of writing your own vows is to make them deeply personal. So DO NOT worry about making it formal and professional, don’t even worry about being grammatically correct! No one is grading this! They should be personal wedding vows, and therefore nontraditional wedding vows. Make it sound like your real voice! It should sound like how you talk to your partner in real life across the dinner table or in bed at night. Save the “I vow to” and “I promise” sentences for the very end, and fill the beginning of the vows with authentic, meaningful words.

Be Descriptive

When writing the things you love about your person, be specific and descriptive. Here are some wedding vow examples that are specific and descriptive…

Bad example: I love how you’re selfless.

Good example: I love how you’ll drop anything to help your family and friends. You always wake up early to make me coffee. You sacrifice so much to help me pursue my dreams. etc etc etc…

Your spouse wants to feel noticed and known. Let them know that you see every part of them, especially the parts that other people might not know about. Show them that you know them deeply and you love them because of it. If you’re still stuck, here are a few examples of wedding vow lines that you can steal.

Get Feedback

As a wedding photographer, I’ve heard plentyyyyy of vows. In one vow exchange I’ll never forget, the bride shared sweet, personal, effortless vows. Then the groom took the mic and followed with his vows that sounded like a Renaissance poem. Really though, I think he stole a few lines from Shakespeare. His whole vow writing was extremely eloquent and elaborate, clearly not how anyone would talk in real life in this day and age. It just didn’t line up well with the tone of her vows. 

This is why I definitely recommend letting someone read both of your vows to make sure they’re not starkly different in terms of language and format!

My husband and I didn’t want to share our vows with each other until the wedding ceremony. However, we knew that we should get some feedback on them to make sure they were roughly the same length/vibe/language. So we both sent the draft of our vows to my sister-in-law. She took a look at them and gave us each individual feedback. This helped us feel way better walking into our wedding day not knowing what our partner was going to say! 

I highly recommend doing this if you choose to go the route of writing your own vows. Ask someone you trust who knows you both well to take a look at each of your vows. Have them make sure they are on the same page.  

Practice Practice Practice

Full disclosure, I’m an emotional mess. I cry at everything! If you hire me as your photographer, there’s a 100% chance I cry at some point during your day! That said, I was super nervous about writing my own vows because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get through them. 

The thing that saved me was reading my vows OUT LOUD several times before the wedding day. I did still choke up during the real ceremony! However, since I had already read these words out loud over and over again I felt more comfortable and confident saying them. Plus, I didn’t stumble on any of the words or phrases.

If reciting your own wedding vows during your ceremony still feels daunting to you, another thing you can do is write your own vows and exchange them with each other privately at some point during the day. For example during the first look. A lot of couples opt to do it this way!

However, saying our personal vows in front of our family and friends was so special. Many people said that their favorite part of the entire wedding day was getting to hear the words we wrote for each other. However, if it’s something you want to keep between the two of you, then schedule a time in the day to share them in privacy.

In the end, it’s YOUR day. You two have to decide what’s best for you, make every detail personal, and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

I hope this article was so helpful for you! Here’s a few more articles that you’ll love:

• Elopement Planning Guide– If you’re wanting to elope but you don’t know where to start, check out my elopement planning guide!
• Wedding Day Essentials for Brides– A list of must-have items for your wedding day.
• Hiring the Best Wedding Photographer for You– Tips and advice on how to hire a wedding photographer.

Or check out my Planning Tips page for more wedding and elopement advice. Happy planning!!